|
SubscriptionsSites I Read
|
|
|
|
| never let something go that you can never stop thinking about why can't life just be easier? why does my heart have to be so fucking attached? what the hell does she have that i don't? why is it so hard for me to move on? why the hell did i have to fall for him so fucking hard? is it scary that i don't remember the last time i was truly happy? and i don't wanna fall to pieces, i just wanna sit && stare at you, i don't wanna talk about it, and i don't want a conversation, i just wanna cry in front of you and i don't wanna talk about it, cuz i'm in love with you | | |
| I have a problem.. i'm falling for him..
gah.. and I know I should listen to Corey, and hell, even Sarah.. but god, he's so.. he's himself. and he makes me smile.. you know how long it's been since i smiled?!.. and he makes me feel like everything is going to be alright.. and it's that feeling i get.. it's like.. my life might be alright.. I mean, after Kyle left, I just thought my life was over.. but it's not.. I can get over that chapter of my life.. but i'm so scared.. getting hurt sucks so badly, and I don't want happened with me and Kyle to happen again.. but gah.. he drives me crazy.. he's cute, he's funny, he's wierd, he's.. amazing.. but I can't be with him! I'm gonna end up moving, and it'll just hurt him.. but jesus, he's everything I could want in a guy and more.. heh.. I want him sooooo badly.. now if only he wanted me too 
I thought my heart had learned it's lesson,
it feels so good when you start out,
my head is screaming "get a grip girl"
Unless you're dying to cry your heart out
No chance,
No Way,
I won't say it no no..
(I won't say I'm in love..)  
| | |
| From: Kyle Cashion
To: Me
serenity,
i hope you rot in hell, you stupid anorexic whore. you were a bitch, and you never cared for me. i go out everynight and drink because of your ass. hell ive already had four beers tonight. last night i had 12 shots and almost had to go to the hospital because of you. i wish you had stopped lying and let me down easy, but you strung me along. you spoiled bitch, you deserve anorexia. i hope you never love again, so you dont torture someone else. you slut, i hope you rot in hell. you were always cheating on me. i was just 2 stupid to see it. how did i think i spoiled brat like you could ever be nice? you don't help kids, you hurt them. i hope you rot in hell, stupid slut. just stay the fuck out of my life. im sick of loving you. you definitely dont deserve it. go fuck alex, like you probably have been for the past 2 months. youre a fucking whore, and prolly have chlamydia and aids and all that good shit. go to hell whore, you never really cared. take your fakeness, and your dads money that youre so spoiled off of, and shove it. i hate you for ruining my life. youve ruined me completely. i hate you serenity allie williams, and will for the rest of my life. i hope you have fun in rehab, you ugly fatass bitch. you deserve it.
- kyle (never your kyky EVER again.. not stupid enough to make the same mistake again) | | |
| ok.. i know no one reads this thing, so i guess i'm just gonna pour my heart out so MAYBE i can feel better..
i miss him
and i said it.. i've been trying to hold that off as long as humanly possible. I don't want
to miss him. It sucks so much, but I guess I can't hide that from
myself anymore. I guess my life falling apart was set to come. Things
were going WAY too well.. my sister has too many problems of her own
for me to go running to her.. adam and I still aren't talking. Andrew's in Europe or something.. isam wants absolutely nothing to do with me.. and kyle hates me.. wow.. i sure know how to treat my friends..
eh, I didn't really sleep last night. I stayed in for the first night in a while, and i guess actually thought about
everything that's happened. damn I haven't cried that much since my
granny's funeral. Kyle's parents hate me, Kyle hates me, Isam
hates me, and I hate Adam.. I just wish i had SOMEONE to turn to. but I
don't deserve it. I've been selfish, and i've been a really big bitch
to everyone. I don't deserve to have friends like them.
I know I can't BE with Kyle..that's just not an option, right now
at least, but i miss him being my best friend. I miss him telling me
everything was gonna be OK. I miss him just being this amazing friend,
along with an amazing lover. the second part is something I can't have,
but I just wish I could reverse time and get my best friend back. but I
know he doesn't want me in his life. He's made that quite clear.
I know he's probably moved on to someone so much better than me..
someone who doesn't restrict him, and someone who can love him the way
he deserves. heh, I always told him he deserved so much better.. if
people listened to me more, this world would be a lot happier.
I tried to hook up with Alex.. but of course, that didn't work.. I just
kept comparing him to Kyle. That didn't help at all. There was
just no way to live up to the kind of amazing guy Kyle was.. i know he
wasn't awfully good looking, and tall dark and handsome, but he was the
greatest guy ever met. I was attracted to him physically AND emotionally..
and I think my emotional attraction fueled my physical attraction. I
guess I wanted him to touch me just once.. to make me feel beautiful..
to be the one to take my virginity.. and I guess I wanted all that, but
now I can't have it.
I know I can't have a relationship with Kyle, not for a while.. but I
just wish I could have my best friend back.. so i would have SOMEONE to
turn to in all of this mess.. but once again, i screwed it all up.. I
just.. need someone so badly right now.. heh, but sorry, I don't
make much of a friend..
whatever
I just wanna crawl into a hole and die
make all the pain go away..
who the hell would miss me anyways?
she wants to go home,
but nobody's home
that's where she lies..
broken inside..
with no place to go..
no place to go,
to dry her eyes
broken inside
EDIT:
ok seriously, just stop with the messages about "It's
Gonna Be Okay".. i guessed no one read this anymore, but apparantly you
guys
do.. i don't need reassurance.. i know this feeling isn't going to go
away anytime soon.. kyle was different than all the random morons you
guys date.. he just was.. i know it wasn't a typical relationship and
whatnot, and i know it was wierd to some of you guys, but i really
don't care.. it was better than anything you've ever had.. and i
honestly did love him and care for him, even if he didn't love me
(as you wonderful people like to put it) but he told me he loved me,
and i believed him, so get over it..and i'm not getting over him
anytime soon..
you don't get OVER people that have such a BIG impact on your life; so
please just stop acting like i'm gonna be OK.. because honestly? i
don't think i'm ever gonna be OK.. i'll move on, but it'll always burn
somewhere in the back of my mind.. and my heart
| | |
| I've always had problems that i've tried to avoid.. Mistakes I regret..
One of those was my past relationship..
After a week of crying, and no answers.. I've got nothing. I dunno, I guess I was being naive? My best friends told me not to put any effort into it, but I did. I dunno, I fell for the stupid love songs. I fell for him, all over again. He hurt me SO much..and I hung on, cuz I thought he was the one. . but you did it again Serenity.. you fell for his lies.. and I thought he meant it when he told me he loved me..
I have no idea if he left because of another person.. if he left because of my mistakes, or if he left just because things got hard.. I never got those answers...But hey, I should have been smart enough to see this coming..I have no idea why I trust people the way I do.. I gave money to a homeless person, and he mugged me.. I trusted Kyle with my heart, and he broke it.. I guess i'm just losing my faith in people. There's no reason to trust them.. people just end up hurting you. I don't want to help people anymore. There's no reason to.. they'll just hurt me in the end. I guess Kyle leaving was a lesson for me. I lesson to teach me to grow up, and realize that fairy tales were just that.. tales. I would never be able to make a difference in people's lives by helping them. I'm gonna start acting like the people I hate.. those people that believe money and power are the most important things in the world.. because those people seem to be the ones who don't get hurt.. unlike people like me..
So my heart's been broken.. not the first time.. most likely not the last.. but I'm sick of feeling sorry for myself..
Thanks for watching as I fall, and letting me know we were done...
I'm sick of crying myself to sleep.. and i'm sick of being so stupid as to think "love" exists.. it doesn't.. because if what I had for kyle wasn't love.. i really don't know what it was.. that's the keyword.. WAS..
he was everything, everything, that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
All of my memories so close to me just fade away..
All this time you were pretending, so much for my
happy ending ..... | | |
|
